By John Horton
Some things are so basic and simple that they should be obvious to almost everyone. An old adage goes, “Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.” When it comes to answers and solutions for much of what debilitates families and children, basic strategies and simple actions may prove to be the best approach.
When it comes to raising successful children, we must have “higher expectations.” Plainly speaking, no one can rise to low, or nonexistent, expectations. A famous Gothic quotation says: “If you treat an individual as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will (usually) become what he ought to be and could be.” Also, it may be worthy to remember Frederick Douglass’ sage words, “It is easier to build strong children than to fix broken men.”
Therefore, let me begin with the basics for raising successful children. Research and studies have shown that children are most likely to be successful in life (academic performance, crime-free behavior, economic achievement, etc.) when raised by married biological parents. The worst societal results for children occur when raised by never-married women.
Before anyone accuses me of “blaming the victim,” let me be clear that I am not playing a “blame game” against single/unwed mothers. However, I am saliently stating those children in married, two-biological-parent families generally fare much better in life than those from single parent households.
In that regard, I offer some basic advice and simple suggestions for empowering the family to raise successful children. First, parents and other adults have to accept collective responsibility for making a positive difference in the lives of their children and communities. Schools, agencies, organizations, governments, and the like cannot “make it happen” for us, if we do not want to “make it happen” for ourselves.
Second, parental involvement needs to begin at birth. Parents (mothers and fathers) need to nurture and motivate children from infancy. This should be an ongoing and unrelenting task. Child development researchers and early education experts generally agree that the first 5-6 years are the most important ones in determining if a child will be successful in life.
Being a supportive and involved parent is one of the most challenging jobs there is. Moreover, educational data and child development research show that all children – including minority and those economically disadvantaged – perform competitively with other students in those households where education is valued and reinforced on a consistent basis. In those households where children are encouraged to read and study, the so-called “education gap” almost disappears. Isn’t that amazing? These children are encouraged and stimulated by their parents and they enter school eager and ready to learn.
Parents need to understand this reality of life, for no one can communicate with, listen to, support and supervise their children as parents can. Only parents can insure that this “special nurturing” and “labor of love” takes place for their children. In essence, the family is the original and best department of health, education, welfare…and salvation. Moreover, I profoundly believe that no one or any entity/system can effectively or substantively affect and/or make a significant difference in the overall “amelioration/empowerment” of our children, unless “parenting” begins…and is sustained in the family/home.
In raising successful children, the ultimate goal should be a realization of “personal improvement and familial empowerment.” Among a litany of tasks, including but not limiting to, should be: (1) reinforcement of a positive value system, to include a strong emphasis on education, self-worth and self-reliance; and (2) activities and instructions that result in transition to responsible adulthood, stable families, and empowered communities. This, we must and can do.
Accordingly, I offer the following, tried but true, twelve step program for raising successful children. Simply put, we must empower children to be all that they can and could be:
1. Remain healthy: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.
2. Remain drug free.
3. Remain crime free.
4. Maintain a positive attitude … as much as humanly possible.
5. Finish school: learn how to read, write, spell, articulate, basic math, computer literacy, foreign language (s), human relations, creative thinking, leadership, etc.
6. Get a job … start a business; make some legitimate money.
7. Save some/lots of money; learn about investments and entrepreneurship.
8. Pay your bills; establish excellent lines of credit.
9. Get married … be selective in choosing your mate/partner.
10. Have children, if wanted/agreed upon … only those that can be supported by both parents, physically, emotionally, financially, etc.
11. Support children, always, whether marriage lasts or not.
12. Plan for the future …always.
I sincerely believe in the “ten most powerful words in the universe”: If it is to be, it is up to me! Believe it! Teach it! Live it!
Always remember, “change” will only come about if we only allow “change” to come about. In this case, we will truly reap what we sew … for better or worse.
